It seems like it was only weeks ago that I was writing the previous New Year’s post. The past year has just flown by incredibly fast. Sometimes I cannot believe how lucky I am: it feels like although last year was an amazing one, this year has been even more incredible and awesome! So many great things have come my way, and I should remember to be thankful for everything I have in my life. Year 2007 has granted me with many things: it has been a fulfilling one stydy-wise, I have made many new and important friends, I have travelled and concentrated on making music, not just listening to it. So a great year, all in all. I recollect feeling somewhat unsure about year 2007 in the very beginning, but once I found a job, travelled to London, started doing this and that, I had forgotten all the doubts and fears. The year turned out to be phenomenal. I was able to experience Finland in a different way, fall in love with Helsinki, acquaint myself with the wonders of musicals, travel here and there, work in a place I loved working, sing my heart out, get my Bachelor’s Degree, party, socialize, and live a life I have always wanted to live. The feelings have ranged from love and excitement to tears and sweat, but it’s been all worth it. After all, a life without feelings would be nothing. Most importantly, this year has been a year for friends. I have many close ones, and I feel awfully thankful for each and every one of them. You rock my world! As I get ready to leave (in few hours I’ll be somewhere over the Atlantic), I try simultaneously to hold on to these incredible memories and to the voices and faces of all the important people back home, and also look into the future with excitement and open eyes. I am scared to leave and feel so emotional, but yet, I feel like everything will be okay, that my time in Toronto (which, inevitably, will fly by!!) will be spectacular, something I will reminish in next year’s post. What keeps me going inspite of all the fear and doubt in the air, is all the love that I have in my heart: friends and family will still be in Finland when I come back, and at least I have something to look forward to in the next 6 months! Welcome, year 2008! Bring something new and exciting into my life!
What a fuss!!! December 26, 2007
I cannot believe how much time and effort goes into planning a 6-month exchange in another country. It seems like for the past year, that’s all I’ve really been doing -maybe not all the time, but every now and then, little things here and there. Now that I have less than a week to go before I actually pack my bags, I feel so stressed about everything. I have tons of things to take care of, things to buy, things I didn’t really even know I would have to think of. Tomorrow I will go shopping for some last minute things that I really need while thousands of kilometres away, and then I still have to empty my apartment.
In the midst of all this, I feel strangely calm. I feel emotional day in day out, but I still sleep my nights well and do things as if this is what I’ve always done. I have said goodbye to everyone, except for my parents and a couple of friends. This is all just so incredibly surreal -and maybe that’s why I keep acting like a little robot, doing things, but not really taking time to think things through.
Reading through all the previous posts was couraging. Several times I had pondered on my time in Toronto, but all of the times, I felt really confident that everything would go well, and happy, that I was chosen to go. Although I’m scared as shit, I have to go through with this. And it’s only 6 months. That goes by so fast. And how often does one get to live in a metropolitan city? And it’s always good to remember that if things go really wrong (which I don’t believe for a second), I can always come back home. I’m going through with a life-time dream of mine, and it will be spectacular. Once I’m in my own apartment in Toronto, I’m sure things will start looking great. Oh, I wish I was already there…
Away somewhere December 17, 2007
Things feel so surreal. Only two weeks and my life will be so different. I’m having mixed emotions about everything -on one hand I feel privileged to go and I look forward to going someplace new, on the other hand I’m scared and would rather just miss the plane and stay behind. I’m saying goodbye on every front, and taking in all the good wishes and words of courage everyone keep pouring on me. Rather than actually taking it all in, I try to remain indifferent to all of it. Not because I don’t care, but because I’m afraid I would burst into tears if I REALLY thought about everything.
I was granted a peaceful and lovely break in the middle of all this. My parents took me to an outdoor Christmas journey. It was pretty touching walking through candle-lit darkness, in the still of the night. Beautiful Christmas songs were playing and besides a re-cap of the Christmas story, we got to see a baby in a manger, lying peacefully there in the midst of real sheep and a donkey. All of this brought to mind a Christmas journey in Bruce Mines, Canada, just about 9 years ago. It was utterly cold and dark, but it was the first time I really felt at home in Canada.
That, in one sense, should convince me that I will be fine -that, sooner or later, I will feel comfortable in Toronto, and that it will be the journey of my life. Keeping this and the Christmas story in mind hopefully brings peace and quiet into the stress-filled days to come.
All I Ask of You December 1, 2007
I still feel all pumped up after finally getting to actual business. I found a perfect person to sing a duet with, and practising and rehearsing it has been more than rewarding. After a few incredibly useful and fun singing sessions together, we put the whole thing on record last night. Despite a few (well, quite many) technical difficulties, we managed to create something unique and beautiful. I think it came out better than I ever could have anticipated.
Like we both noted last night, it is not an easy thing to sing a duet. But it’s more rewarding and pleasurable than singing alone. I, for one, have learned so much during the ordeal -not just about ways of singing or working together, but about music as such. I had completely forgotten how incredibly great it feels to make music together -to share the world of music with someone. And it’s not just that: when you do something as a team, you put that much more effort into it that if you did something by yourself. I feel that I have found that passion for making music again: when you see that the other person gets at least as much energy and consolidation from music than you do, it’s all worth it.
So thank you, partner-in-crime. I look forward to working with you in the future, too! And I must say that his voice was more magical than the voice of the Phantom himself! 
On another front, Toronto is drawing closer. I have a few shifts left at work and when I’m finished with exams, essays, and such, I will start packing my things and saying goodbyes to everyone around me. There’s a lot of anticipation, fear, and doubt in air, but I’m confident everything will end up going okay. 4 weeks and I’m there.
All I ask is peace and quiet and time with my friends and family. Then I’m good to go.
