It has been days, months, maybe even years that I have anticipated some major changes in my life. Finally, I have received a grade for my Master’s Thesis and I’m done with uni for good. On another front, I have started working like normal people do. At home, I have laundry times two, new electronic appliances, and in my mailbox, there are two last names.
A year ago, I never ever thought that life would be this way. Somehow everything has fallen into its place, yet everything feels so adult-like, or rather, mature. As there is no more of that carefree university life, reality is starting to set in. I’m very happy, living with that someone is perfect and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. However, all of these major changes at the same time have made me think about the future in a way different than before.
Although I’m just doing this job for the next few months, I’m slowly starting to realize that this is pretty much it – for the rest of my life, I will be working. And that scares the heck out of me. I have looked forward to finishing uni and moving on to “real life” and getting myself in the work market, but now that I’m finally there, it would feel more comfortable, easier, and more appealing to continue as a student. Although I was so done with research and all the deadlines and not having enough money, I already miss the freedom that goes hand in hand with studying at uni. Now, life is starting to be full of responsibilities in a different way. There is no homework, thank God for that, but there are other things that are always there on your mind from day to day – work is starting to be everything, and suddenly there is little room for anything else. Days are shorter, the sofa feels like the best place ever, and the weekends couldn’t feel better.
What I’m wondering is that how and if I will ever be able to do this from year to year, maybe for the next 40 years or so. Waking up every morning to have the day repeat itself, living for the weekends and looking forward to the holidays and days off. It feels so boring. Is this where I’ve aimed at my entire life? Done well in school, studied abroad and at uni to get a better job? And then, at the end, I find myself scared and bored shitless after just a week at work.
