I am used to being the one who leaves – moves abroad, goes for trips, says goodbye – and then comes back. Although I admit that I am used to people coming and going due to my friends being so international, I am not used to being left home alone while my hub is somewhere far far away. Thank goodness it’s just three weeks (one of which has already gone by!), but still I feel weird. It is definitely harder to stay home than to go to a new place where you are swept away with the amazingness and newness of everything unfamiliar. But staying home and sticking to the routines without your companion feels incredibly odd. When I come home from work, bursting of things to talk about, I find an empty house waiting for me. When I wake up, there is no grumpy man next to me, and when I fall asleep, there is no one that whispers “Good night” in my ear.
It is crazy how things can change so quickly sometimes. A year ago, I couldn’t see myself living the life that I am living right now. I am happier than ever, and wouldn’t want to change a thing. Six months after moving together, I have become accustomed to sharing the home with my special someone – and although I lived in that place on my own before, it feels empty now that he’s not there. I miss the morning alarm snoozes, the wet bathroom after he has taken a shower, even the dishes on the floor next to the couch and the neoprene smell coming off his diving gear. In just six months I have learned to love all of these things, and now that he’s not here, I realize how much I miss him.
I can’t wait for these next two weeks to go by and the man to return, however, I am glad that I have this time to myself – it is never a bad thing teaching oneself to be on one’s own. Although I am committed to this relationship and this person, I feel that it is crucial for one to be able to be alone as well, to embrace oneself, to enjoy those alone-moments when one can. And when it is reunion time, it will be worth the wait.
