Oh Shut Up Already! September 23, 2008

I don’t lose my temper very easily. In public, I try to act kindly and behave accordingly. I don’t show if I’m irritated by someone, but rather try to deal with it quietly inside my head. But there’s this woman (in her mid 40s, I’d say) in my seminar, who’s absolutely and totally driving me nuts. And it’s not just me, there’s a little “hater-club” in our seminar group formed against her… very grown-up, indeed.

But you cannot act like she does. She comes into a seminar session with such aggression and arrogance that it makes my little boat tip over in a few minutes. When we’re supposed to give each other useful criticism and feedback, she starts lecturing on everything that’s missing or wrong with someone else’s work. And it’s not even that, of course one can say one’s opinion and bring out fresh ideas. But it’s the way she does it. She tries to cut in whenever she can, starting every sentence with “Do you see where I’m going with this…” as if trying to convince everyone, including the writer of the gradu, that she knows more about the subject than anyone else. She even tries to teach the teacher, and I think her behaviour is just annoying and rude. We’re all grown-ups here, but come one, just losen up will ya!

I swear when next week comes and it’s my time to present my gradu-outline, I will have a tough time with this woman. But I’ve decided I’m just going to nod my head at her remarks and if need be, get back at her some way -no way I’m going to let an arrogant, I-know-it-all 40-year-old student sabotage my presentation.

Sometimes I just wonder where these people come from and why they act the way they do. Let me know if you happen to know.

How did I end up here? September 2, 2008

The fifth and hopefully the last year of Uni started today. I hadn’t much thought about it, but walking into the Pro Gradu (or MA thesis) seminar session really got me thinking, or rather, panicking. The whole gradu-issue has been a dream-like thing, looming over me for a long time, but not really part of my life. But as from today, it’s really the most important part of my university life, and that scares the heck out of me. For years the instructors of the courses I’ve attended have just been talking of the gradu, or mentioning it in the lines of something like “you don’t really have to worry about this before you start writing your gradu” or “that’s something you need to take into consideration only in your gradu, not now”. When my seminar instructor handed out an outline of everyone ’s topics, mine included, it became inevident that I have to start working on this big thing that I’ve only talked about before. It’s certainly stressfull to think that all of the studies I’ve done before have been just baby steps in contrast with this, or that all of the courses I’ve taken have only been there so that I’d be able to write this gradu in the end of my studies.

Am I ready for this, and how on earth did I end up here? Four years have gone somewhere and the knowledge I’ve supposedly built should now be used as precisely and ambitiously as possible. Although all of this feels really scary, it’s also kind of a relief: I’m finally close to finishing my studies and when I do, I am free of this “study-burden” and can do whatever I will with the rest of my life.

Through with York April 15, 2008

It’s only the middle of April and I’m already finished with my studies at York. It came to an end so fast. I handed in my last paper, and had my last exam today. So surreal. And when I think about it, I have 5 months ahead of me without studies and school! That’s unheard-of for sure.

I don’t really feel sad about the classes ending; although it was awesome to attend university here in Canada, I’m not going to miss going to lectures or the huge workload. I’ll rather miss the coffee breaks on campus with my friends, or the campus area as such, the walk from Yorklanes to Osgoode library, or from Accolade West to Assiniboine.

Most of all, I’m realizing that with the end of exams and such, a time period is coming to an end. Most people are leaving Toronto either this week, or next, and everything will be different from then on. I’m thankful that Toronto has given me many contacts, so I won’t be alone. But it’s still not going to be the same without these people that have made my stay worth a while.

Nevertheless, I’m officially on vacation! And that means I can do anything, anytime, anywhere! If the whole Toronto-experience has been awesome mainly because of the freedom I’ve experienced here, vacation-time means even more freedom. So the rest of my Toronto-time will definitely be a blast!

Layered in, like spices in a casserole… March 16, 2008

Meeting a famous Canadian First Nations playwright in a coffee shop somewhere in the middle of Toronto sounds pretty far-fetched. But he walked in, 5 minutes late, gave me a big hug and then we started chatting off. Only in Canada.

It is weird, because this whole exchange thing started off with him in the first place. I don’t mean it in a strange, stalking-kind-of-way, but I’m referring to the Conference a bit less than two years ago. That’s where I got the idea to go on exchange from, because of all the mingling with awesome Canadians, among whom was also this playwright. It was pretty cool meeting him here, talking about the Conference back in Helsinki, reminishing on all those great memories from the time.

I did have a reason for meeting him, too. Ever since the Conference, I’ve been into this guy’s work, and decided a while ago that I wanted to do my gradu on his work. So, when my Canadian Arts and Culture -course director handed out an assignment where the point was to research a contemporary Canadian artist or arts institute, I decided to use the opportunity to gather more information on the Anishinabe (Ojibway) playwright.

And who wouldn’t take it as a compliment to talk about oneself and one’s career? Drew Hayden Taylor at least did. And I guess the meeting wasn’t totally in vain. I left with a little notebook full of good information, and an invitation to Curve Lake -reserve to check out Canada’s biggest Native Art Gallery, and to have a cup of coffee at the writer’s mansion in the middle of the reserve. Now, that doesn’t sound bad, does it? Only in Canada, though. Only in Canada.

And what comes to the title of this entry, I have no clue. Go figure. I’m leaving you with something to ponder on.

Fever March 11, 2008

I realized the finals are only a few weeks away. Before them, I still have lots to do: 2 research papers, 2 smaller papers, 1 group presentation, 1 group performance, reading documents and little assignments. I guess my Easter will be full of writing and reading and studying.

It’s strange (and sad) how things come to an end so fast. 10 weeks have gone by so incredibly fast, and classes are about to be done. I’m happy I still have almost 4 months left here, but it is crazy that I’ve almost completed all the school-related things I came here for. On the other hand, I’m relieved and glad. A month from now I will be done with everything and can enjoy the rest of my time here doing whatever I want. A quick coffee at Starbucks, a walk downtown in nice spring weather (keeping my thumbs up for this one!!! –we just had a snowstorm last weekend…), lunch with friends, a couple of hours at Chapters, late night dinner with someone special. Ahhhhhh. Looking forward to all of that!

So hopefully I will be able to fight off the “working feverishly” -routine, and change gears into “Mellow Mondays” and “Lazy Tuesdays”. And now that I’ve also fought off an actual fever (was sick for three days -pretty boring when you’re pretty much locked inside of your campus apt and there’s a snowstorm due to which the campus is closed), I should have good chances of not giving myself fever. I’ll leave that to that special someone, i.e.”You give me fever, when you kiss me…”

Yep, it’s free January 30, 2008

The thing that I’ve had most trouble explaining here, is that in Finland, school and education are free. I’ve seen both Canadian students and other exchange students drop their jaws and roll their eyes at me while I tell them that “yes, school is free for us in Finland”.

I always knew that we were privileged in that sense, and I sure feel thankful for our great education system back home. I just never realized that it sounds so bizarre and surreal to people that are not from Finland. It’s hard for these people, who pay 500 dollars for a half year course and a 1000 for a full year course, to understand how we don’t have to pay anything. And on top of that, we also get a decent meal in schools (whereas they have to bring in their own lunch or buy something), and at university, you only pay a couple of euros for a pretty great lunch.

I almost felt guilty telling them that, added to this, Finnish students get more than 400 euros a month from the government for free, and that even though it’s free money, Finnish students aren’t satisfied with what they’re getting. That, in fact, we’ll be getting some more in the future, because that’s only “fair”.

Well, I guess it all comes down to taxation. We pay a lot of taxes, and basically that free education is funded by the tax money. And even though the students’ piece of cake is pretty decent in Finland , we aren’t rich, we don’t live like kings and queens, nor do we have our own apartments, houses, or cars until we’re 40 or so… But even so, I do appreciate and value the Finnish system. It is only fair that everyone, no matter where they come from, has a chance to educate themselves. It comes down to your own wit and intelligence and willingness to learn, and not to whether you have money or not.

And on a wider scale, I think that’s exactly how academia should work: hard work and intelligence makes money, not the other way around.

Strange behaviour January 16, 2008

With my limited knowledge of two weeks, I have been observing the behaviour of my fellow students in class. I have found the code of conduct both amusing and baffling. Here, there are no visible rules on how to behave. Of course there are certain unwritten rules like elsewhere, but it seems that these people just take the rules and bend them to their own liking.

What I find most interesting (or annoying) is eating in class. I don’t mind people taking a sip from their water bottle every now and then or eating an apple quietly, and I admit I do that myself. A friend of mine who didn’t think eating an apple during a lecture back home was appropriate, would be appalled to see how people act here! They come into class with sandwiches, veggies and dip, cereal and milk (!), muffins and what have you and start eating away. Today, a girl in my class took the 10 minute break to go down to a restaurant, and when she finally came back 20 minutes later, she started her own little picnic of soup, crackers and something else in front of everyone. I found it somehow weird or even uncomfortable being forced to look at her while she ate.

Another thing that puzzles me is that people come and go as they like. They might pop in for half an hour, and then just miraculously vanish. Some people leave during the lecture and come back when they feel like it. The instructors never say a word and keep on going with their lecture as if nothing happened. I guess it all comes down to handing in the work rather than attendance: when one of my fellow students didn’t hand in his reading report today, the instructor replied that in that case he would later be considered as being absent. Go figure.

What I like about the classes is that both the instructors and the students are so easy-going and nice. All of the students express their ideas and thoughts, be it something important or not. And the atmosphere seems accepting and understanding, you won’t get any laughs or strange looks if you utter something stupid or less meaningful. The instructors seem approachable (maybe that’s why a fellow student of mine brought a muffin to one particular teacher during class…?) and willing to help you out with basically anything.

Sitting in class today for 9 hours made me think of classes back home. There are things that I miss (like whispering to your friends during the lecture, or scribbling down funny pictures or messages to amuse them and yourself), but there is one thing I definitely don’t miss. And that’s silence. The awkward one, that is. I’ve experienced that so many times in Finland, but here it just doesn’t happen: there is always someone who’s willing to say something, and that makes life a lot easier!

My new project for next year: make people speak in class, or start being the “annoying” one, who always speaks if no one else does.

A reality check January 9, 2008

I guess I’m not used to sweating over school work back home. I sleep late, attend classes, manage to cram 8 hour work days into my weekly schedule, and I still have time to do the stuff I need to do for school. Here it’s different. I only have 3 courses and 9 hours of classes in one week, but the workload is much bigger than in Finland. They say that for every hour spent in class, one is supposed to spend at least 3 hours on independent work. And the courses are pretty demanding in that sense: class participation, in-class response papers, essays, midterm tests, group projects, research papers, exams, you name it. They have it all within just one course here…

My courses are really interesting and definitely worth my time. The instructors are very nice and humorous, so no boring lectures for me this semester! In one class we have to prepare an art installation that breaks the stereotypical, sometimes racist representations of indigenous people. In another one we read Elliot, Yeats, Woolf and Stein among other modernists, and try to trace the roots of Anglo-American modernism. The class on modernism was kind of soothing, actually -it was great noticing I’ve read a lot of the stuff back at the English Department and that I actually know a lot already. I guess 3,5 years in Uni hasn’t been a total waste of time after all

I was planning to sleep late tomorrow, too, but since I’m hanging out with a bunch of law students who go to the library at 8 in the morning to study, I feel bad just sleeping. We’ll see if their cramming has a good influence on me, too…I will try studying tomorrow, fingers crossed!

Mentally worn out? September 27, 2007

I haven’t had time to sit down and write about something. Also, I haven’t really felt like writing about anything. The days keep rolling on, and I find myself in the middle of the somewhat familiar routine: lectures, work, friends, and sleep. I feel like I have tons of energy although I do admit it has been much more stressful and hard both studying and working simultaneously. I am pretty pumped about being back at uni after the summer; it’s great having to have to work intellectually and mentally after a long break of not really doing anything challenging with my brains.

But being always on the go and running from lectures to work and from work to bed and from a meeting to another one, wears one out. I feel a bit tired mentally. Not that I wouldn’t have energy to do anything, but I feel like I need some time just for relaxation and hanging out with myself at home. Not doing anything. Just chilling and taking it easy, watching stupid shows on TV, and munching on something enjoyable.

That’s exactly what I intend to do tonight. I honestly can’t remember when I had time to do absolutely nothing! So I guess tonight’s a special night then. Next week (well, actually tomorrow..) it’s back to reality: essays to return, articles to read, long days at work, meetings, and cramming for an exam.

I guess I need to take the most out of tonight. Harvinaista herkkua, as they say in Finnish.

It’s here! July 23, 2007

I received a call today. There’s a package for me from Canada. So it’s finally here -my ticket to York University! I can’t wait to get my hands on the package (errr, I know what that sounds like…) once it arrives at my doorstep. I know it has been a dream so far, but now it’s reality. Still many months before I leave but it’s definitely offical now.

 And I’m thrilled!